Top 5 Worst Brand Names Ever

As every successful business person will tell you, the brand name is of paramount importance.

So why do some companies find it necessary to relate their product's names to faeces, sex and even genitals? Someone behind the scenes is having a right laugh, and I don't blame them.

Enjoy!

5. Mr.Brains

Findus should have taken a leaf out of Mr.Brains' book, at least they list what actually goes into the product! The meat company, owned by Hannibal Lecter himself, specialises in the world's finest repulsive meats. Just look at the picture, scrumptious...

4. Golden Gaytime

Everyone loves a golden gay time, so much so that Walls developed an ice cream to commemorate our favourite past times! The delicious treat can be enjoyed as, well, a delicious treat or even an icy anal fisting device!

3. Jussipussi

'What would you like for breakfast, son?' , 'Oh, well I'd love some Jussipussi!'. 

What a lovely thing to hear in the morning. Go to Finland, and this could be a real life scenario. There's nothing better than morning sex and the Finnish certainly know that.

2. Shitto

Is your food bland? Look no further than Shitto, the Ghanaian gourmet pepper sauce that has taken Africa by storm. The Africans definitely know how to flavour their sauces, but I wouldn't take their word for it, I've heard it tastes like shit...

1. Babybel

Yes, Babybel. The innocent lunchbox essential that kids just love to munch on. As we all know, there's nothing better than a Babybel to get you through your day, but just for one second imagine that they decided to call it Elderlybel. Things would change dramatically.

5 Facts About Colour

Colour is ubiquitous.

It's an unavoidable visual delight that puts on a pantomime for our eyes every single day, unless you're colourblind...

But colour is more than just, well, colour. It conveys specific moods and emotions and can even help to reduce crime rates!

Below are five facts you may have not known about colour...

1. First impressions are based on colours

Believe it or not, our first impressions of other people are largely based on colour. In fact, 62-90% of our first impressions are based on it so maybe it's time to pull out that pink and gold tuxedo; you just might pull. 

2. Pink has a calming effect

Unfortunately, the colour pink's calming effects still have no effect on me and seeing a girls pink underwear still won't cure my premature ejaculation problems. However, it is commonly used to coat the walls of prisons and mental health facilities, so it works for some!

3. Men and women see red differently

Whilst men only possess one X chromosome, women actually have two. The gene that allows us to see red sits on the X chromosome and so women have the pleasure of enjoying the different shades of red that don't exist in a man's eye, such as maroon and crimson. Hopefully this fact will encourage women to stop asking their men what shade of f***ing lipstick they should buy.

4. Blue is the most common favourite colour

Forty percent of people worldwide would choose blue as their favourite colour according some study somewhere on earth. Blue conveys trust and reliability and is the colour that makes Manchester City more bearable to watch; the colour that watches over us everyday (apart from the UK) and the colour that was used to light Glasgow's streets in 2002. Miraculously, crime rates lowered!

5. Yellow makes you hungry

The colour yellow is regarded as an appetite stimulator and therefore is not recommended as  the colour to decorate your kitchen with. This could be the reason why all Pikachu/Pokemon fanatics sit juggling their own fat all day. 

5 Common Bodily Phenomena Explained

1. The Itch

The skin is the only organ that is constantly exposed to possibly irritation. The most common stimuli is dryness associated with the atmosphere or over-washing which removes a quantity of the skins natural oils and moisture.

When you scratch an itch, the 'itch signal' being sent to your brain is interrupted and therefore no longer recognised. Even if the irritant is not fully removed, scratching somewhat diverts attention away from the itch.

2. Goosebumps

Goosebumps are associated with a drop in temperature, fear and other strong emotions. The reflex that causes the phenomena is known as horripilation which involves individual muscles at the base of each hair contracting which in turn makes the hairs on the skin stand up.

Research also suggests that goosebumps are hard to control and may prove a strong indication of true feelings. In other words, scientists can use the phenomena as an indicator of when someone is telling the truth or not. 

3. Wrinkled Fingertips

The wrinkling of fingertips is common after a person has been exposed to water for a long period of time. However, fingers don't stay wrinkled for long and soon turn back to normal.

The skin has three layers: i) the subcutaneous tissue - fats, nerves and large blood vessels; ii) the dermis - small blood vessels, nerves, hair roots and sweat glands and; iii) the epidermis - keeps water inside the body from evaporating. 

Biologists have found that when skin is submerged in water for a long period of time, the epidermis begins absorbing it. The epidermis is tightly connected to the dermis underneath it and the skin therefore distorts resulting in wrinkles. 

4. Hiccups

Hiccups are often linked to drinking/eating to quickly and consuming alcohol. They are triggered by uncontrolled impulses of the phrenic nerve which cause the diaphragm to spasm. The spasms result in a sharp intake of breath; the hiccup.

Possible cures include holding your breath, eating peanut butter, getting someone to unexpectedly scare you and drinking upside down.

5. Seeing 'Stars'

This can occur after lifting your head up too quickly or being hit in the head etc. The 'stars' are part of a group known as nonphotic visual stimuli and are called photopsia or phosphenes.

The eyeball fluid, which is contained in a sac-like mechanism, begins to pull away from the back of the eye. This process is known as 'posterior vitreous detachment' and makes vision temporarily blurred and distorted. 

The 5 Worst Things About Bangor, North Wales

There are many ways to describe Bangor.

An uncooked pork medallion on a plate made of 24 carat gold, perhaps? Or even a steaming pile of shit left by an ancient giant who chose to utilise the mountains as his preferred toilet seat.

What I mean to say is that the snow tipped emerald mountains and the elegant flow of swimming sapphire that is the Menai Straits provide an excellent foundation for a vibrant city to thrive.

Unfortunately, Bangor doesn't and as we know, it's what on the inside that counts.

Below I have listed the five fearsome culprits that have sealed Bangor's demise. 

1. The Wind

If you want to visit a place where it is windy absolutely every f***ing day, come to Bangor!

Want to perform a normal, everyday task like walking to the shop? The wind will have something to say about that. It'll incessantly throw debris in your face like an annoying pre-schooler and leave you blind as you strain to continue your five minute journey to Aldi. Sometimes it's nice to welcome a pleasant little breeze on a warm day, but in Bangor, heat is something you don't experience often.

2. The Accent

Bangor is a university city, and so a variety of accents are audible as you stroll through its lengthy high street. However, companies tend to favour the locals when it comes to employment and so you can't go a day without hearing that God awful accent.

The locals are either in a constant state of surprise or are bellowing out a tuneless song all day; that's how bad the accent is. 

3. The Opposite Sex

Ladies, don't be offended because I know how bad some of guys are too. Bangor's the only place in the UK you'll find a guy dressed as a pirate or where the majority of people have less than ten teeth. Unfortunately, they think this is normal.

Fancy a night out on the pull? Then lower your standards, dramatically. A 4/10 in Manchester, Liverpool or Newcastle instantly becomes an 8/10 in Bangor and after two years of being here, only about three 8/10's exist.

4. Nightclubs

The expertly named Peep, Embassy and Academi make up Bangor's nightclubbing nightlife. That's three clubs to satisfy 16,000 students, so you'd expect the music to be impeccable!

Impeccable if you're ten years old and dance around your room to Now 65. Ne-yo, Akon, Pitbull, you name it, they'll be singing their hearts out over a shoddy speaker system in every one of Bangor's clubs. At least you don't have to pay £5 to get in on some nights...

5. The Uphill Trudge

If you were to take an average calf measurement of every city in the UK, Bangor's score would be at the top of the list. Everything is uphill!

When going to lectures becomes an intense cardio session, you know your university life is going to be tough. 

9 of the Best Chat Up Lines

When rohypnol isn't available, I like to use chat up lines to reel the ladies in. 

Here are some of my favourites:

9. 'Keep it quiet, but I'm completely naked under these clothes'. 

What better way to remind a woman that you have genitalia?!

8. 'Are your parents retarded? Cus you sure are special!'

Use this one with caution and never ask a girl who has parents who actually are retarded or worse so, dead. 

7. 'Are you Swedish? 'Cus you're the Sweedest girl in the room'.

There's a possibility she'll shut you down with one word; 'no'. But truthfully, if you do use this chat up line you deserve to be shut down, mainly because it's fucking shite. 

6. 'Hi, do you speak English? [yes]. Me too. 

An essential when abroad. 

5. 'The voices in my head told me to come over and speak to you'. 

Maybe she has a thing for paranoid schizophrenics. 

4. 'Are you Jamaican? 'Cus you're Jamaican me crazy!'

A classic.

3. 'Baby, you're the next contestant in the game of love'. 

'Come on down'. 

2. 'Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?'

Don't give her a chance to say no.

1. 'Is your name Flora? 'Cus I'd love to spread you'.

Works every time.

The Undocumented: Beth Thomas

Below is a transcript taken from the actual therapy tapes of Dr. Ken Magid. Magid specialises in the treatment of severely abused children, children so traumatized in the first years of life that they do not bond with other people.

In this transcript, Magid is interviewing a six-and-a-half year old girl named Beth.

Dr.Magid: Are people afraid of you, Beth?

Beth: uh huh

Dr.Magid: Who's afraid of you, Beth?

Beth: John

Dr.Magid: Your brother?

Beth: *nods head*

Dr.Magid: Why's your brother afraid of you?

Beth: Cus I hurt him so much

Dr.Magid: And at night time, what do your parents do to your door?

Beth: Lock it shut

Dr.Magid: Why do they lock it shut?

Beth: cus they don't want me to hurt John

Dr.Magid: Right, and they're kind of afraid of you hurting john

Beth: mm hm

Dr.Magid: OK, are they afraid that you might hurt them?

Beth: Yep

Dr.Magid: Would you, Beth?

Beth: mm hm

Dr.Magid: When would you do it?

Beth: Night time

Dr.Magid: OK, why would you do night time?

Beth: cus I don't like them seeing me do it, but they can feel me do it

Dr.Magid: And what would you do to them, Beth?

Beth: Stab them

Tim and Julie Tennent

Tim, a minister of small methodist church, and his wife, Julie, were unable to have children themselves. On tape, Tim states that he and his wife didn't need children to maintain a stable relationship, but wanted to share the security in their relationship with somebody else.

In February 1984, the couple received a call from the department of social services telling them they had two children available for adoption. They were told that Beth, 19 months old, and her brother Jonathan, 7 months old, were normal and healthy.

Social services had lied. Beth and Jonathan had endured severe emotional and physical abuse from their blood parents and the couple's dream had turned into a sickening nightmare.

After a few months, Tim and Julie began to discover that something wasn't right. The back of John's head was completely flat and the front of it had bulged down. At 7 months, he was unable to raise his head.

The aggression Beth exhibited made their lives a living hell, but what had made her this way? 

Beth's nightmare

(Beth's drawing of her nightmare)

The truth about Beth's past became apparant through frequent nightmares she would suffer involving a man repeatedly falling on her and hurting her with a part of himself.

In therapy, Beth revealed the repulsive facts about life before being adopted:

Dr.Magid: Tell me about your birth father, what was that nightmare like?

Beth: When he touched my vagina, until it bled. Hurted a lot until it bled and erm wouldn't feed me a lot. He'd hit on me, wouldn't be very nice to me

Dr.Magid: How old were you?

Beth: One

Dr. Magid: And, in your nightmare what happens?

Beth: I get real scared

Dr.Magid: Where are you in the nightmare? What happens in the dream?

Beth: I'm in the house, upstairs

Dr.Magid: And then what happens, Beth?

Beth: When he comes upstairs and erm hurts me

In this section of the interview, Beth displays some emotion that is absent in most other parts. She is visibly terrified and upset and the fact that she remembers the ordeal so vividly (something that happened 5 years prior to the interview) is extraordinarily distressing.

Beth Thomas: A History

Beth's birth mother died when she was only one year old. As a result, Beth never developed a sense of conscience, love or trust for anyone. 

The neglect and abuse she suffered at the hands of her father caused her to exhibit inappropriate sexual behaviour especially towards her brother, Jonathan. In therapy, Beth admitted to hurting her brother's genitalia by pinching, squeezing and kicking it. Beth also stated that she'd like to do the same to other boys. 

Her adoptive mother, Julie, told Dr.Magid how she once caught Beth molesting her brother. She had pulled her brother's penis and put her finger up his anus; Beth was two years old at the time.

Beth's desire to hurt her brother's and other boy's genitalia stems from her birth father's sexual abuse. She associates the penis with fear and pain, and therefore wants to eradicate it completely from her life.

Even more disturbingly, Beth's abusive childhood caused her to masturbate at a very early age:

Dr.Magid: Have you ever rubbed your private parts?

Beth: mm hm

Dr.Magid: Do you do it a lot?

Beth: A lot

Dr.Magid: How much do you do that?

Beth: About every single day and night. I did it every single day until it got real bad and  messed up and I had to get to the doctor and I did not want to

Julie explained how she would masturbate at inappropriate times and places including a public parking lot.

Beth also enjoyed causing harm to her four pets who she would prick with pins. When she was told to stop, she turned her attention to a nest of baby birds outside. Julie told Dr.Magid how one morning she found the birds lying on her lawn with their necks broken. Beth admitted to squeezing them to death.

The repurcussions of Beth's tragic childhood led to uncontrollable rage. Despite the love and nurturing of her adoptive parents, she took this rage out on herself, on her brother and on them. Her acts of violence became more and more cruel and frightening.

The Knives

Tim and Julie immediately thought of Beth when a set of knives went missing from their kitchen. In the aftermath, Beth asked her adoptive mother what the knives looked like, however, there was no way of her knowing about their disappearance unless she had taken them as Tim and Julie had not yet asked her where they were. Fears for Jonathan's safety rocketed.

Dr.Magid: Tell me about the knives, where did you get them?

Beth: From the drawer

Dr.Magid: And, where else?

Beth: I got them from the dishwasher

Dr.Magid: What kind of knives?

Beth: Erm, big sharp ones

Dr.Magid: And what do you want to do with those knives?

Beth: Kill John and Mommy with them, and Daddy

Beth had openly admitted to trying to kill her brother on numerous occasions. On one occasion, Beth had pushed Jonathan down the stairs into the basement and began hitting his head against the cement floor. Julie heard John's screams and ran into the basement where she had to literally pull Beth from her brother. John had to have stitches in his chin.

Recovery  

Following this interview, Dr.Magid recommended that Beth should spend some time apart from her adoptive parents for the wellbeing of the family. 

In April 1989, her parents took her to a special home that specialised in raising children with early attachment disorders, especially children who are a danger to themselves and others.

The home's principles are based on strictness and control. Because the children sent to the home do not have the ability to trust, they don't allow anyone to be in control of them and so workers at the home ensure that the children control absolutely nothing. The children are required to ask before they do anything. This includes going to the bathroom, eating and leaving their sight. Because of the damage these children have done in the past, workers at the home are unable to trust them and therefore the need to ask before they do anything is absolutely necessary.

According to workers at the home, the children actually believe they are evil and have no value. The home aims to change the way these children think and render them into loving, normal people who believe they have some sort of value. When the children do a chore well they are praised and little by little, praise builds confidence. 

After treatment, Beth began to show signs of affection. Her therapist loosened some controls on her and she attended public school where she met friends and even sang in a choir. Beth Thomas currently works at Family's By Design which promotes Attachment Therapy and its parenting methods through lectures and materials sales. 

7 Of The Most Dangerous Foods On Earth

I like to think of myself as a pretty dangerous, adventurous and exciting cook.

I bring new ideas to the table and often like to wow my housemates with my spectacularly peculiar recipes. On one day I might prepare brown rice and a salmon fillet, but then infuse it with peri-peri sauce! On another day, it may change to brown rice and chicken, but then with sweet chilli sauce! 

Whatever the dish may be, it always has the power to shock. However, none of my recipes even come close to some of the buggeringly brilliant dangerous dishes from around the world which are listed below!

1. Fugu

A cute little puffer-fish with its heart-warmingly swolen cheeks couldn't possibly have the ability to cause suffocation and paralysis, could it? Think again. This Japanese delicacy is most certainly 'a dish to die for' and requires a license to cook.

After undergoing an intense crash course on how to prepare the fish, chefs must carefully remove its liver and reproductive organs which release tetrodotoxin, a paralysis inducing toxin with no known antidote. If respiratory assistance is given however, the victim can survive.

2. Ackee Fruit

There's a fine line between ripe and not-ripe with this mischievous Jamaican fruit. If its pods are red, the fruit is ripe and it will fall open. However if it isn't, the fruity felon can cause vomiting, seizures and even fatal hypoglycaemia (an abnormally diminished content of glucose in the blood). 

Consumers must steer clear of the toxic black seeds and red skin to avoid its nasty side effects.

3. Sannakji

Why the fuck you'd want to eat this in first place, I'll never know, but the Korean delicacy otherwise known as 'wriggling octopus' enjoys assaulting its consumer whilst being eaten. The raw baby octopus is showered in a delightful cascade of sesame oil before being devoured and when it eventually is, it clings to the cheeks and throats of the diner via its suction cups.

Each tentacle encompasses its own brain and therefore likes to squirm and slither as it is being eaten. If you enjoy eating fishy slime that moves, then go for it, but I think I'd rather eat shit.

4. Casu Marzu Cheese

Another ridiculously stupid idea for a food. This Sardinian cheese is left outside for flies to lay eggs in. Once the fly has gone about its business, thousands of maggots hatch, feed on the cheese and produce enzymes which promote fermentation and cause fats within the cheese to decompose.

So why is it dangerous? Some of the maggot warriors are big and strong enough to soldier through your stomach acids and reside in your intestines. Abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting and bloody poo result. 

What a stunning idea for a food! :D...

5. Cassava

Commonly used in bread and flour making, the cassava appears fairly innocuous on the outside. However, the woody shrub native to South America has the ability to produce cyanide if prepared incorrectly. Paralysis and potential death result.

6. Monkey Brains

Another Asian delicacy, and you wonder why Kim Jong Un is threatening nuclear war. An illness called Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease can lurk inside the monkey's skull. 

VCJD is a degenerative neurological disorder which causes the brain to develop holes and take on a sponge-like texture. It is often referred to as the human form of mad cow disease.

7. Giant Bullfrog


The Giant Bullfrog is a culinary specialty in Namibia, however, much like when picking a sexual partner, the young ones cause the problems. The premature bullfrogs carry a poison that can cause temporary kidney failure.